In Praise of Difficult Women (Surrendered to God)

Hi, my name is Lori and difficult women make me uncomfortable. 

Whew! It feels good to get that off my chest.

Honestly, though, I have many difficult women in my life, many by choice (others, not so much). Some of these difficult women need clear boundaries and I regret it when those boundaries are relaxed or breached.

Other difficult women, I cherish and seek out because I admire them, aspire to be like them, and grow because of them.

What makes the difference?

Difficult women surrendered to God light up the world like searchlights, spotlights, lasers, and high beams. Difficult women in contention with or in denial of God just blow stuff up.

Explosions are happening everywhere in media these days.

Talk shows, podcasts, and headlines are full of difficult women. Rabble-rousing, fear-mongering, criticizing, opinion-blaring, gong-sounding, pandering women. Many, who on the surface, just appear to love the sound of their own voice and revel in being outrageous for the shock factor–forever chasing the soundbite, the click, the poll number, the approval rating, the consumer, the follower, the fan. Addicted to the opiate that is the masses.

They love to make others uncomfortable but often simply for their own gain and they never see turnabout as fair play.

How often they promote themselves as mavericks and rebels only to become carbon copies of every other women on the talk circuit spouting the new party line–mainlining brash, unapologetic, tone-deaf monologues, the fentanyl of modern womanhood, and shouting down dissenters, rarely engaging in authentic public dialog with those who disagree.

It’s a constant battle within my soul to both love them and to not become just like them.

There are, however, also heroic difficult women, women surrendered to God raising a ruckus out of love and faithfulness. Disturbers of the false peace. Unpleasant topic-raising, sacred cow-shattering, status-quo ignoring women who speak the truth they’ve wrestled to accept and do it in love that doesn’t come naturally but supernaturally by faith in the One who IS love.

In the Bible, a few of their names were Deborah, who when the military commander Barak refused to go to battle unless she came with him eschewed any flattery and instead pronounced, ““Very well,” she replied, “I will go with you. But you will receive no honor in this venture, for the Lord’s victory over Sisera will be at the hands of a woman.” So Deborah went with Barak to Kedesh.” Judges 4:9,

or Mahlah, Noah, Hoglah, Milcah, and Tirzah, the daughters of Zelophehad who presented their request to Moses that their father’s inheritance go to them and not to a male relative. God not only granted their request, He told Noah to change the law to allow daughters to inherit going forward,

or Abigail who suffered her fool husband until his rash decision put their entire household at risk of death. She acted quickly and met David who was on his way to exact revenge. She influenced him with provisions, words, beauty, and grace to reconsider his plan and prophesied, “The Lord will surely reward you with a lasting dynasty, for you are fighting the Lord’s battles. And you have not done wrong throughout your entire life.” 1 Samuel 25:28 ESV

or the midwives, Shiphrah and Puah who defied Pharaoh’s order to kill the Hebrew children at birth, trusting that God saw them and knowing His power was greater than Pharaoh’s, they acted to protect lives,

or Bathsheba who refused to let the aging king David forget that he had promised her son, Solomon, would accede to the throne at his death,

or Rizpah, whose public lament for the son her king sacrificed reminded him of the value of life,

or the Samaritan woman at the well who wore the judgement of others like an old, familiar scar but who pushed back against Jesus’ request for water and asked hard questions of Him who rewarded her with the answer that He is the Messiah,

or Mary, Lazarus’ sister, who anointed Jesus, expressing her love and devotion, wordlessly exposing the lack of love in Judas’ heart

and Mary Magdalene, who refused to abandon Jesus’ tomb or hide her tears and who was honored to see Him after His resurrection.

These women, surrendered to God but willing to be difficult because of Him and to make Him known or to protect others, impacted generations.

In my life, difficult women are the ones who challenge the point I’m making and interrogate me to back it up, cite resources, and defend my view. The discomfort raises my hackles but their refusal to take my thoughts at face value reveals their intelligence, their commitment to truth, and their persistence in keeping me honest out of love for Jesus and for me. May their tribe increase. 

Who is the difficult woman in your life who sharpens your iron with hers? Who is the difficult woman needing healthy boundaries before you fall prey to the land mines she’s buried? Who are the difficult women in history you admire like Sojourner Truth, Amy Carmichael, Harriet Tubman, Nellie Bly, or Shi Meiyu. Being a difficult woman isn’t the problem. Refusing to surrender to God makes all the difference.

Lord, make me a difficult woman, willing to create discomfort in others when truth, justice, love, and souls are at stake. Help me outgrow the difficulty I present through selfishness, pride, criticism, and the need to engage for argument’s sake. Give me the courage and humility to be a difficult woman for you and thank you for every difficult woman, surrendered to you, asking hard questions, pushing boundaries, fighting for the innocent, and raising issues of eternal worth. Deliver them from evil and let their influence impact the next generation and those to come.

Share your thoughts! I respond to every comment and reply to every email. I want this to be a conversation!  You’re invited to attend an in-person mini-retreat for women and book launch on Saturday, March 2nd, from 12:30pm-4:30 pm at the First Baptist Church of Hope Valley in Rhode Island.

I will share two messages about women in the Bible and their influence. There will be music, delicious treats, trivia, giveaways, discussion, and the blessing of the book! Email if you plan to attend: lorisroel@gmail.com

The headlines and talk shows are full of difficult women – there are two kinds of difficult women. Which one are you? https://t.co/9vEpXooOgs #women #womenofgod

— Lori Roeleveld (@lorisroeleveld) January 18, 2024