We Have to Talk about Sex and . . .

The world is having a conversation and most Christians are hiding from it.

That’s not what Jesus would do.

This isn’t a post with pat answers because every congregation is interacting with a different community, so how we live this out is going to look different, but I can tell you this – Jesus expects us to be engaged with the people in our pews and the people in our streets. That means talking.

As the world buzzes about sex, mental health, gender fluidity, sex trafficking, sexual harassment, abortion, cross-cultural reconciliation, stem-cell research, foster care, poverty, transgender, racism, divorce, consumerism, socialism, death, aging, embryonic adoption, suicide, domestic violence, incest, opioid addiction, and global warming, we hide. Or we throw a Bible on the table and say, “It’s all there. God said it, I believe it, that ends it.”

That’s a bumper sticker, not an act of love and service in the name of Jesus. Yes, I believe it’s in there, but the Word that became flesh and dwelt among us sat down and talked with us over food.

We are citizens of the kingdom of God, loved ones, and that means we live without fear. We don’t hide from hard conversations. We initiate them.

We are God-explorers and wisdom-appliers and fishers of men and women. We live affected by the troubles of this world and have accepted God’s call to minister – here – in the realm of late-night talk shows, corrupt politics, scoffers, mockers, posers, wolves among sheep, imperfect church leaders, social media, and cultural change, and we represent Jesus.

Of course, we are to be His hands and feet, but we’re also His ears and tongue.

I was on a radio talk show when a woman called in to ask how to have a hard

conversation with her daughter who is transgender (I don’t know if she was biologically female or had transitioned to female, so I’ll refer to her as her for the sake of this post).

First, I asked if she attended a local church and if she’d sought help there. “They don’t know what to say to me. Mostly, they offer to pray, but I can tell they’re uncomfortable talking about it, so I just don’t bring it up.”

That’s a prescription for loneliness sitting right there surrounded by the family of God. Of course, they don’t know what to say. There’s nothing easy about this conversation. It’s new. It’s fraught with social landmines. And we can’t turn to a specific verse for the answer.

Except, we can. This young woman is seeking her identity in her gender and sexuality, but not in Jesus. She’s rejected Him and is seeking wholeness apart from Him. No matter what that looks like for any of us, we know it doesn’t end well. The Bible still instructs us to love her. To respect and listen to her. To invite her to the table. To tell her our understanding of God’s abiding, relentless love for her.

He, for sure, doesn’t call us to avert our eyes when her mother enters the room praying the subject doesn’t come up. He doesn’t tell us to offer to pray and then walk away praying, “Thank you, Lord, that that’s not my struggle.” He doesn’t tell us to hope some other Christian somewhere reaches out to this young woman, so we can be there when she turns it all around.

Life is incredibly complex and messy. We can praise God for the complexity because it points to His vast nature. We can blame ourselves for the messiness, put on our big boy and girl pants, and become willing to step into it with those in our own communities.

I don’t suggest that our worship services become vehicles for social debate. Worship is for worship. I also believe that most of our hours together as believers should be spent understanding the Bible and engaged in prayer.

But, we can certainly create opportunities for hard, honest conversations – in small groups, through one-on-one discipleship, through church classes devoted to tough topics, or to monthly question nights where we gather and discuss these hot topics with others to see how we’re all processing and applying Scripture to what’s happening in our homes, our jobs, our communities, and in our headlines.

In Jewish teaching, it was a sign of godly wisdom to be able to ask a hard question of the rabbi. It indicated someone who was earnestly seeking God, studying the Scriptures, and exercising wisdom.

What better place for this to happen than God’s house? We shouldn’t be hiding from tough talks, we should be leading them. Christian faith communities should be places where the hardest, greatest conversations happen.

Why?

First, because we have nothing to lose. We’ve acknowledged that we’re sinners in need of a Savior. We’ve accepted salvation that came to us by the grace provided by Jesus. We are eternally safe, and we are free.

Second, because listening and acknowledging the struggle and the mess and the pain and the ugliness of life this side of glory is a way of loving others. Speaking truth to someone else’s face is a demonstration of love.

Owning our own struggle to understand and articulate that truth keeps us humble. And we sorely need that as the Body of Christ.

When we don’t have an answer for something – rejoice! It reminds us of our limitation and sends us to Jesus. When we hurt someone with our words because we fumbled in representing Jesus – rejoice! This is an opportunity for humility as we seek their forgiveness and try again.

When we don’t know what to pray – rejoice! God knows, and we grow when we appeal to Him together and persist in prayer.

Of one thing I am confident – the world doesn’t have the truth, Jesus does. And withholding the truth from confused, hurting people because we’re afraid of discomfort is cowardly and wrong.

I’ll tell you a secret. When that woman called into the radio station, I felt fear as she spoke. I didn’t have an answer for her, but I prayed as she spoke, and then, I did. By God’s grace.

What opportunities does your church provide for honest, uncomfortable conversations about hard things?

Please share so we can all learn. And start talking.

**If you’re being challenged by a hard conversation and need support or prayer OR if you’ve recently had a hard conversation you can share, please CLICK THIS LINK and you can tell us about anonymously or otherwise.

We Have to Talk about Sex and . . . https://t.co/p6BBs5LZx0 having hard conversations in church #Jesus #hardconversations #controversyinchurch

— Lori Roeleveld (@lorisroeleveld) January 14, 2019