You can tell a lot about a writer from what he or she writes.
And, by what they don’t write.
We writers usually write from our experience, expertise, or extreme interest. Most of us avoid writing from our distresses, dilemmas, and doubts.
So, bear with me.
Because, I’m not just a writer. I’m a Christian writer.
And I’m not just a Christian writer. I’m a woman who is a Christian who is a writer. So, what I’m not writing these days would fill volumes, Bunky, simply volumes.
I am not writing about women and ministry. women and the church. women and gender roles. women and #metoo. same-sex attraction. same-sex marriage. women competing with transgender women. transgender women being named “woman of the year” or “Miss Universe.” the women’s vote. women in politics. women’s anything, really.
But why?
There are a host of reasons. Choose any of these and I’d agree:
I already get enough hate mail. (received one just this week) 
Plenty of Christians are already covering these topics pretty loudly and thoroughly.
I’m usually in the minority of the minority on these issues. (Seriously, I’m strange that way.)
I’m not sure I’m skilled enough as a writer to say all I want to say succinctly and eloquently.
Over the decades, I’ve skinned my knees enough times on the pavement of these topics. I’ll take a hard pass on more healing scabs.
But, there’s another reason. A bigger one. The real one.
You see, all my life, I’ve listened to preachers and teachers, pontificators and legislators talk about women and God. A handful did it well. Fewer, if I’m honest.
The rest, even ones with whom I agree, speakers of both genders, were so busy explaining the correctness of their position (which was, of course, God’s position, too) they usually forgot they were talking about the lives of actual humans actually wrestling with these issues in real time.
So, from the platform and face-to-face, I’ve heard statements like:
“Well, are you sure you didn’t do anything to invite the inappropriate (fill-in-the-blank). I mean, have you examined your own heart?”
“You know, some women lie about things like that because they need attention.”
“Wow, you write like a man. I mean that as a high compliment.”
“Wow, you write like a man. That’s a problem. Are you trying to write like a man?” (What does it even MEAN to “write like a man?”)
“It’s such a waste for a woman to have the gifts you have.” (Take that up with Chief Designer, Bunky.)
“Have you ever wondered if you were actually intended to be a man?”
“You’re not like other women. It’s so refreshing.” (from both men and women)
“How can you be a woman and even think that way?” (from both men and women)
“You’re grieving the Holy Spirit if you don’t maximize your gifts and go into the pastorate.”
“You’re grieving the Holy Spirit if you try to go into the pastorate.”
We all spout so much nonsense sometimes.
As a writer who has had readers misunderstand or misinterpret what I’ve carefully crafted or twisted it to mean something it isn’t, I can testify to the fact that God’s patience is unrivaled in the Universe. I don’t understand how He doesn’t live in a perpetual palm plant when He listens to us speak on His behalf.
So, yeah, I have opinions about women and the church, gender, marriage, transgender, #metoo, and a host of related topics but the world wide web isn’t always (isn’t usually/isn’t ever) the best venue for conversations about what is sacred.
Gender, relationships, and sex are sacred topics, in my humble opinion. Reading the biblical language around these issues is like standing before a burning bush.
Genesis 1:27 indicates that God made integral to our design a message about what He is like. We can make a mess of His message but when we do, we miss a glimpse of what is holy, of what is Him. “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” NASB
Ephesians 5:31-32 speaks of the profound mystery of the marriage relationship, “‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” NASB
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 states that our bodies are temples, and we all know to demonstrate reverence and humility in temples made by human hands, never mind those created by God. “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?” NASB
But the Bible also clearly characterizes wisdom and Christ-like behavior as gentle, meek, humble, and kind. So much rhetoric I’ve experienced is absolutely none of these and so the delivery often discredits the one delivering and shrouds their entire message with doubt.
“Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom.” James 3:13 NASB
“Let your gentle spirit be known to all people. The Lord is near.” Philippians 4:5 NASB
“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:29
Humans, through our individual and our corporate sins, have mangled and marred so much of the sanctity of what God has created from creation itself to how we use the words He gave us to talk about holy matters like our struggles with gender, sex, and relationships. This is why.
This is why I hesitate to jump into the fray. To what end? I have no expertise except in my own struggles to be the woman He created in relationship with those I’ve encountered using the gifts He’s provided for me to benefit the Body of Christ. And even in my own life, I throw my hands up daily asking Him to help me undo another mess I’ve created without any help from all of you.
Have others hurt me? Yes. That’s the nature of this world. That fact doesn’t testify against a gender as much as it validates God’s point about the power of sin on this outpost of glory. It underscores our need for a Savior who became one of us but lived perfectly, sinlessly, and humbly laid down His life because that was the ONLY WAY any of us will be redeemed.
I’ve hurt others with my words, my attitudes, my careless, selfish, ambitious, self-centered strivings to get what I’ve felt I’ve needed in this life. I’m no one to judge.
And on this blog, I have all the power, to write and publish whatever I want to share and if I choose, to censor any dissent. When we speak here, you have no face and you’re not sitting beside me, the pain of your wrestling, questions, dilemmas, struggles, and failures etched on your face and coloring your tone of voice. It’s too easy for me to speak to the entire crowd and crush you in the process. I know this because I’ve been steamrolled in Jesus’s name, too.
What is holy, what is sacred, what is central to our core identities deserves more than to be discussed through memes, tweets, captions, and headlines. We should face one another. We should wrestle honestly, authentically
together with our ugly internal deceptions and His beautiful transforming truth.
So, find me. Reach out. We can talk but we’ll create the space, the time, the relational fortitude, and the commitment to gentleness required for these conversations if any of us is to have hope of healing, of hearing, of heading into a richer understanding of us with God, us with one another, and us alone.
This post probably didn’t help you, which makes my point about why I don’t write about these things.
But, maybe if you see my distress, my dilemma, and my doubt, you’ll find courage in not being alone. And maybe, you’ll reach out to one other person following Jesus and have an honest, quiet conversation about holy and human things.
It’s really better that way, loved ones. Just try it and tell me I’m wrong.
I would love to hear from you. I reply to every comment and respond to each email. I’ll work to picture your face before I do.
The Sacred Topics I Don’t Write about and Why https://t.co/0k0S7vMlda #Jesus #women
— Lori Roeleveld (@lorisroeleveld) July 18, 2023
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Thanks Lori. Don’t overthink the richness yet simplicity of God’s plan, His word, His omniscience. He allows arrows, there are enemies…well one in particular, but we have been given cool armor. Stay glued into Him as what we permit, we promote, and you are consistent in promoting Him.
Sound encouragement, Karen!
Yes. I hear an exuding of love in this message and the benefit for me in reading is : “think”before you speak or write.
Thank you, Sheryl!
Thanks, Lori. This is a great post. Just today I got brave enough to lightly touch on the topic of how to love transgender folks. Both of my kids are trans, but even so, it is a topic that is too taboo to touch. It has cost me so many friends, good friends, Christian friends, even without actually writing about it. In addition, as a young woman, I was on pastoral staff in a Baptist church. Yeah. Wrap your head around that one. Pastors’ conferences were interesting to say the least. So many topics we women just decide to leave alone. Nice to know I am not alone.
I do try to address topics simply and honestly person-to-person but exercise caution when posting for “the world.”
So, find me. Reach out. We can talk but we’ll create the space, the time, the relational fortitude, and the commitment to gentleness required ….. these words are beautiful. Thank you, Lori.
Easy to write. Harder to do.
I am the same way, I reserve these topics for one on one
Right? Praying for that baby! Maybe today?
Lori, your posts never disappoint. I’ve been struggling with the same issues. I call it “my speak up or shut up” moments. Most of the time if I wade into a conversational issue that I think I have a handle on, I drown-and badly. (Is there a good way to drown? Hm…) Most people are smarter than me. But, I have to keep reminding myself that their smarts won’t bring Jesus into their hearts.
I think this digital age has destroyed one of humankind’s greatest gift, which is of course, communication. Honest, blink-to-blink talking TO each other instead of AT each other. And I’m guilty-I’m raising my hand and bowing my head in confession. My prayer today is, “please deliver me from this social media platform of head talk-and get me into the face2face, eyeball2eyeball, toe2toe discourse that my parents taught me.
Let the fresh winds blow.
You write like a writer. I agree, let the fresh winds blow.
High praise indeed, coming from you.
However, I did see a missing closed quote toward the end of my comment. That’s okay. It proves I’m human.
🙂
I think Bunky needs to check his blessed little heart! ?
But seriously, I greatly appreciate your words! (…and at some point, I’d like to share an as yet unfinished poem I’m writing about why I haven’t spoken up about an important issue, and get your feedback. How best to email you?)
Also, we are finishing up a brief DVD study on Timothy Keller’s The Reason for God that was actually focused on the HOW to keep civil & thoughtful conversations going with those of differing opinions. (His book has excellent apologetics, but in the DVDs we are studying him… his manner, word choices, etc., how he keeps them sharing & considering…. certainly some of “hard conversations!”) ? Blessings, sister!
I will send you my email. I love Rev. Keller’s teaching and that book. Thank you for the reminder. Blessings back at you! Lori
Quote: “Gender, relationships, and sex are sacred topics, in my humble opinion. Reading the biblical language around these issues is like standing before a burning bush.”
Yes – it is like this. Thank you for putting words to it.
Since you brought up sex I hope it’s okay to say that as a man and lay-teacher I find conversations with 1 or 2 men about porn + baggage is much more authentic and compelling than pronouncements about porn from the pulpit, or even monologues in our men’s group. Also more dangerous. No one is going to stand up in the back and say to the guy in the pulpit, “tell me about your experience with porn” but one-on-one, a guy will say that to me. In fact it happened last week.
For those who are worried that taking these conversations private signals a weak stance, or a softening of standards, realize: It’s a softening of heart and tone of voice. Jesus had/has the highest standards, but still didn’t break bruised reeds or snuff out smoldering wicks. For many of us who cross God-drawn lines around sex/gender/etc. . . .someone in the past has crossed God-drawn lines around our hearts, minds, and bodies.
The Christians I know aren’t going out looking for a fight. But they are also saddened by – and tired of hearing about – celebrations of destructive or unbiblical behaviors. So they want somebody in the pulpit, or on a website, or in a YouTube short to take a stand. I understand Churches have to articulate where they stand. But it’s kind of like winning hearts for the Kingdom – I don’t want to whimp out of loving and difficult conversations, then expect my pastor to do the heavy lifting from the pulpit.
Thank you for articulating that so beautifully. Yes, yes, and yes. Nancy Pearcy is doing a wonderful job of writing into this space with compassion, biblical truth, and credentials. I write on occasion–more so on my Substack account because I’ve been the victim of hackers on my website who filled any posts about sexuality, gender, marriage, etc. with porn links. So, I am willing to go where God leads but careful not to just spout off because I have something to say.
And grammatical. 🙂
Thank you, Lori. I just had a quiet conversation about honesty, extremism, and abortion. We left concluding that we must see people behind the issues.
Amen!
Thank you for being brave and sharing your thoughts. You’ve given me much to consider. May His grace and mercy be upon you and yours.
Not sure how much bravery was involved, but thank you, Gary. May His grace and mercy also be on you and yours.
This was an eye-opening post, Lori! Thank you for thinking it through for me. It has touched and affected my attitude toward others. I do try to be gentle, humble, and kind….however, that also is mistaken for a push-over, someone who is not intelligent, or just another “crazy ol lady” talking all the time. “There she goes again…that type of comment. Thank you. Thank you for all you do to help us the only way you know how. Blessings and hugs.
I believe that the more of my heart and mind I submit to Christ, the less I will “try” to be humble, gentle, and kind, and the more the overflow of my heart will be characterized by them because of Christ. Thank you, Judy, for taking time to encourage me.
Thank YOU so much! I came across this looking up something else. The Holy Spirit seems to work that way a lot for me. Reading your words spoke to me deeply.
I would love to dive in deeper but feel the same. This isn’t the platform.
You can email me if you’d like.
God bless your seeking heart-
A fellow lover and follower of Jesus.
Wonderful to meet you, Gina!