Entitled! (Part 1)

Have you ever organized an event and had someone offer to help – only to find that none of the ways you suggest they help appeal to them?

Maybe you get the sense that the errands you need run or the simple service chores on the list are a little beneath them?

Or, perhaps they agree to do the background work but, as they go about it, their efforts are forced and grudging. Soon, they’re taking long breaks or complaining to others about their assignment.

That kind of help, isn’t help, is it?

Neither are all the little suggestions of ways they would do the truly “important” jobs – better than the ones who have already taken those tasks. Your “helper” is full of ideas that sound wildly similar to criticism but are actually just “constructive comments.”

Suddenly, you find yourself devising tasks that require this helper to be away from the group for long stretches of time so that the work can actually resume speed.

Take, instead, the rare helper who comes without any sense of entitlement and offers to help – then does.


There’s no task too small for this person and they carry out each assignment with excellence, praising and supporting others as they go about their work.

Even more impressive when this person, whether by talent or position, is truly entitled to “greater roles.” The fact that he or she serves, as needed, in other areas with grace shines on your day like a brilliant gem.

It’s odd how someone can set up tables and chairs or fold napkins in such a way as to inspire and lead others to be their better selves, but I’ve seen it.


And I’ve also seen people who have, driven by a sense of entitlement and rights, snatched leadership and influence only to destroy the spirits of those they lead and inspire them to slink away, questioning their own faith.

Which person of these three would you say best exemplifies freedom in Christ? The entitled helper? The driven leader who’s asserted the right to lead? Or the one folding napkins with joy and grace?

One problem I have with the usual discussion of gender and gender roles in the church is that the focus of the conversation too often narrows itself to one or two passages of scripture, to the exclusion of the whole of Biblical teaching.

When the dialog becomes all about rights and the freedom of personal expression, it sounds to me like the disciples when they argued amongst themselves about who was the greatest. In Mark, the story goes like this:

“They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them, “What were you arguing about on the road?” But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest. Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.” Mark 9:33-35

It has always seemed incongruous to me to “fight for my rights” within the church, since I’ve relinquished my rights to Christ.

It also seems like a misunderstanding of spiritual gifts to assert my freedom to express these gifts whenever and however I choose in order to reach the heights of my own personal fulfillment. God gives spiritual gifts so we can serve the Body of Christ as it works to build the Kingdom of God here on earth – not to help us narrow our career paths.

And if Jesus has accepted a role that is different from the Father without argument (Philippians 2) than how can I argue that a separate role is beneath me?

It’s from this foundation of understanding that I approach the verses where Paul writes that he doesn’t permit a woman to teach or have authority over a man. My current understanding of this passage is that this would involve the teaching of scripture and imply there is some authority involved in that teaching (like a lead Pastor or teaching elder).

Therefore, I don’t find it a problem if a woman is teaching men Calculus, listening skills, or church history. I’ve no problem with women on pastoral teams as leaders of women’s ministry or children’s ministries or serving teams. I think a man can read a book written by a woman about Biblical topics and learn things because there’s no implied authority in that relationship.

In fact, I think there are countless ways for a woman with the gifts of teaching, preaching, exhortation, wisdom, and/or leadership to exercise these skills within the church of Christ. I don’t teach classes that include men but I’ve never been without opportunity to express this gift in some way (and I’m not gifted to teach young children.)

I also don’t think we have to be silly about this teaching. Just as Jesus healed a man on the Sabbath, so I think if a woman is on the mission field (at home or abroad), she’s going to have to teach some basic Bible to new converts if there are no men around who are competent to teach. Or if there are too many converts to handle at once (doesn’t that sound like a wonderful problem?).

Bottom line: I avoid this topic because it’s been so battered and abused and because I’ve no desire to make other women uncomfortable with their understanding of scripture but, for myself, I operate from my understanding of it and I’ve found peace and freedom through it.

Too often, men and women confuse freedom with entitlement, opportunities with rights. (Not everyone who disagrees with my understanding of scripture is guilty of these poor motives.) We should come to the church to serve and be willing to do whatever that means to build up the body and to draw others to Jesus – whatever our gender or gifts.

The gifts are not for the expression of my personality but for the building up of the body – period.

The Bible’s teaching isn’t about limiting people or legalism or rules – it’s about getting the work done in a way that models loving cooperation, mutual servanthood, order, and the heart of Jesus.

Jesus modeled servant leadership and humble service from His birth to His ascension. This is the greater truth behind any teaching of separate roles and should serve as the plumb line for any individual seeking opportunities to minister.

I know I’m rambling now – that’s because I’ve put myself wayyy out there. Your turn. Please, tell me what you think. . . I’m still learning – always.