Life Without Sex – A Secret Truth Known by Millions

hands-984032_640Once I watched a zombie movie with my daughter.

Not my usual fare but it fascinated me because I saw a correlation to the times in which we live. The speed at which the zombie virus spread from person to person is similar to the rapid-fire spread of deception in modern times.

There are so many lies in the air these days that H2O has been more accurately refigured as H2O3D (D for deception).

One prevalent lie is that some people want to outlaw love when really love has never been the issue. We are all free to love. Always have been and will be throughout eternity.

The Bible supports this when Paul writes, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV)bible-879087_640

Against such things there is no law.

We are free to love but love is God’s idea. In fact, God is love and both the God of the Old and the New Testament are the same. God has consistently loved us from creation to now and one thing He has demonstrated is that love expresses itself through truth.

The issue of concern has never been love. The issue has always been sex. There are laws and boundaries about how we use our bodies and how we treat other people’s bodies written into the fabric of our design by the One who created us.

Somehow, in the midst of the great rebellion, the rhetoric, the speeches, posters, and parades, the notion that sex is the ultimate freedom, the ultimate happiness, the ultimate expression of our humanity became the truth de jour. But it’s a lie.

There are literally millions of humans – “fully alive, wholly passionate, entirely valuable, fascinating, worthy of admiration and love, contributing positively to the planet” humans who are NOT having sex.

They are leading full lives. They are completely adults. They contribute, communicate, engage, participate, enrich us and make our lives more colorful, more joyful, and more stimulating all without engaging in intercourse with anyone.

They pursue and achieve life, liberty, and happiness without sex.

Some people live without sex because they are single (never married, divorced, or widowed) and choose to obey God’s commands. They’d like to have sex but exercise self-control, displaying their love for God through obedience. There is nothing lesser about their lives or about them as people because they aren’t engaging in coitus.

Some choose celibacy due to their vocation, their inclination, or in order to focus on a particular mission in life. Others haven’t chosen not to have sex they’ve just prioritized other passions.

Others live without sex within marriage relationships for a variety of reasons – a partner’s illness, mutual consent, physical capacity of one or both, separation by distance when one is called to serve miles away and the other must tend to business on the homefront, separation due to confinement, a partner’s mental state, household conditions that make privacy a rare thing, one partner’s trauma, a time committed to prayer, or simply age.

book-691407_640There is nothing lesser about any of these people. They aren’t less free than people I know having casual sex with many partners. They aren’t less viable than people I know having healthy sex lives within marriage relationships. They aren’t less happy or less contributing to society or less creative than anyone else. You know these people, too, but sometimes you’re unaware because they’ve gone silent in a society that elevates sex to an equal standing with inhaling and exhaling.

They see themselves portrayed in movies, sitcoms, and talk shows in unflattering and deceptive ways. The world says that if a person isn’t enjoying a “healthy” sex life then they are set aside, dried up, washed out, lonely, rejected, unfulfilled, less than. Someone to be pitied, mocked, fixed, or treated by professionals.

So those living full lives without sex have gone silent.

Sex is a glorious invention of God and should be celebrated in context but the world is full of God’s glorious inventions. In elevating one to a status nearly equal with God, worthy of full devotion and worship, we blind ourselves to all the others and make an idol of what was created rather than letting it reside in its rightful position below it’s Creator.

Sex is glorious but so is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Self-sacrifice is glorious as is rosescreativity, intellect, worship, music, conversation, the wonders of nature, and the harmony of emotional intimacy.

All the horn-blowing and mocking can drown out the myriad of life’s pleasures that exist for those willing to order their priorities according to God’s plan. True, not every person living without sex is happy about that condition but how much greater is their unhappiness because our society constantly tells them they’re somehow less than the rest? How much greater their unhappiness because each morning they must swat their way through webs of societal deception about this one human activity?

God is a vast being and we are created in His image. There are myriad ways to express love. Sex is one. Just one.

It’s wise to remember the zombies. The dried-up undead are the majority who have been infected with the virus. The living may be in the minority but they are, in fact, alive.

If you’re living without sex, this is a secret you likely already know but remember you are a full, viable, worthy, engaging, creative, powerful human being capable of expressing love and worthy of receiving it.

Against such things there is no law.

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    The Conversation

  1. Great post, Lori! My sister is in her mid-50s and has never married. Some who meet her make veiled remarks about her sexual orientation. In society’s mind, there’s no way an attractive woman can be fulfilled without sex. I’m proud of her because she stands strong and chooses to obey God’s commandments.

  2. Tresa says:

    Thanks for addressing this! I’m a divorced single mom of five in my mid 40’s and constantly get comments of disbelief about my choice to honor God! It’s not easy and it can be lonely, but I’ve made the opposite choice in the past and God is right, He is enough! I am very thrilled in my Christian life, community and Church family! We need to Trust Him! He is the Truth! If he wants our life situation to change He will provide and make it obvious! What a blessing to have Peace that passes understanding after a life screwing up by not trusting and obeying! Thank you for tackling the issues that everyone thinks about but may feel awkward talking about them! Especially when you risk the comments about not understanding!

  3. Sandra Lovelace says:

    Thank you for another direct, no holds barred look at reality. Much to ponder as usual.
    God bless,

  4. Another amazing post, Lori. Thank you for an honest, candid look at a difficult subject.

  5. Excellent post on a topic I’ve not seen addressed before. I’m guessing there are a lot more people in this situation that we would ever imagine. Great job, Lori.

  6. Jeremy says:

    This is a fantastic post! It speaks to a subject that few so succinctly cover.
    I love how it mentions a variety of perspectives on the topics of love and sex, without diverting from scripture or drowning in it. You certainly bring to mind relational situations never before imagined. Thank you for another perspective.

    Now, may many more be blessed, including yourself.

  7. It’s been all around me, but I never recognized it: this obsession with sex. I mean, yes, I’ve noticed that the world (especially entertainment media) seems full of it and the church seems to have a lot of issues with it, but it never occurred to me that we’ve elevated it beyond what it deserves.

    So many things would be solved by simply putting sex back into its proper context and not magnifying it out of proportion. When it comes to personal fulfillment and life satisfaction, it is one star among a whole night sky of brilliant diamonds, and yet we often treat it like the sun or moon. (It’s vital for continuation of the human race, so I’m not trying to say it’s not important… just that the act of sex itself is not as important for happiness as we’ve made it out to be.)