The Worst Lie You’re Tempted to Believe

“Oh, you didn’t tell me he’s fourteen. We don’t invest too much more in them by that age.”

Seated across from a school principal, I’d made this appointment to discuss a boy I was working to engage in our youth diversionary program. He was struggling in several areas and I hoped to get some support for his educational needs.

“Excuse me?” I hoped I hadn’t really heard what he said.

“I thought you were here to talk about someone in the middle school but this student is fourteen. If he’s not on the right track by now, I can’t help him.” The man shook his head and closed the file on his desk.

“He can’t legally quit school until he’s sixteen.” I ventured.

“Still. It doesn’t make any sense for us to pour more energy into him at this point.” I could see the man’s eyes had become doors instead of windows and that further conversation would get me nowhere. I tried anyway but to no avail.

Written off at fourteen. “We tried.” “What more do you want?” “He’s too old to change now.”

Seriously? At fourteen?

That conversation shocked me fifteen years ago and I’m still being shocked at how readily people give up on one another. There is truly a spirit in the air that whispers the lie to us all that “people don’t change.” “Don’t even try.” The evil spirit continues. “It’s useless to invest yourself here. Move on. It’s not worth the time, energy, love, hope, work. Whatever. People don’t change.”

I was shocked again recently while working with parents who are trying to help their children lose weight. Some were ready to abandon the effort after several weeks. “I give up. He/she continues to resist doing this. We’re not going to keep trying.”

Really? At age twelve or ten or eight? After trying to make a lifestyle change for only six weeks? Ten weeks? Twelve weeks? It’s over?

Change is hard. It takes work. It takes persistence. It takes hope.

Yeah. We don’t have that. If it’s this hard to do, we’re out.

I understand why people are tempted to lose hope for changing people who are older, but we live in a time when we’re starting to believe that change is even impossible for children. I’m fifty years old and I’m still changing. How can we possibly think about giving up on people by age eight?

This frustrated me until this week. In a discussion at work, I had an epiphany.

I was voicing my frustration to a teammate that we seemed to be spending a lot of energy working out policies and procedures that would be unnecessary if people on the team respected one another more. It seemed to me that the source of some of our most frequent problems is a lack of mutual respect on the team.

At the place that I work, respect is one of our four core values. I didn’t really think I was reaching by bringing this up but my teammate replied angrily to the effect that she could change policies and procedures but she had no idea how to change people. I could see I’d aggravated her just by suggesting that we try to fix things on that level.

Suddenly, I saw the gap that exists between situations where God is invited to be involved and those where He is not.

Of course, without God’s involvement, it does seem impossible, highly unlikely, or rare that people will change. Without God, people do tend to continue in bad patterns. They operate from their faulty characters. They are motivated for themselves. They sabotage their own lives. They perpetuate unhealthy lifestyles and self-destructive behaviors. I’m not stupid. I see this happen all the time.

The thing is, though, that I’ve also witnessed what is probably the quietest but most amazing miraculous work that exists this side of heaven. I have seen people change.

More specifically, I’ve seen God change people.

I lose sight of it sometimes but the truth is that I believe people can change at any age if they involve God in their change process.

I’ve seen it in others. I am living proof.

I know countless others who are not battling the same demons they battled years ago. They aren’t perfect but they have grown and changed and seen victory over addictions, setbacks, failures, or character flaws because they involved God in their change process.

I’ve seen people changed through the prayers of others even when the people themselves didn’t believe in God.

I have changed. I’m not the same woman I was ten years ago battling the same demons. I’m not perfect but I’m on to new struggles. I’m frequently tempted to give up on myself and I would if I didn’t know the power of God to change. I continue to change in Christ.

The apostle Paul knew about change. Jesus transformed him from a murderous Pharisee to a loving servant who gave his life for others. He wrote this in Philippians 3: 13b-14 “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Here’s the lie: “People don’t change.”

Here’s the truth: “Change is always possible when God is involved in the process.”

Have you given up on someone? Have you given up on yourself?

I was starting to give up at my job but instead, I’m going to invite God into the picture.

You can do that, too.

Bring your hopelessness to God in prayer and let Him renew your heart and your hope because, “Yes, Virginia, there is hope that people will change. That hope has a name. Jesus.”

(If you have a change story that will encourage others to continue to hope, share it in the comments today!)