When I was a little girl, there was no bigger “fraidy cat” than I. I was a nervous little twit of a child afraid of big dogs, little dogs and pretty much everything else.
One of my worst fears was going into the basement. At that time, my mom kept her pantry items such as canned goods, on wood shelves lining the stairs leading into the cellar. At dinnertime, she’d inevitably call me to run downstairs and fetch her a can of peas or tomatoes or corn. Whatever the dish required.
I’d make it down the stairs just fine; it was the return trip that became the adventure. When I turned my back on the basement, I was always sure that some hideous, monstrous fiend emerged from the shadows and lurked behind me as I climbed the “endless” stairs.
The hairs on my neck stood up, my heart would race, and I would find it hard to breathe midway up the stairs. I would try to force myself to turn and face the monster but too often, instead, I would just break into a run about five stairs from the top, race into the dining room, slam the door, and collapse, breathless on the other side.
“Seriously, Lori Ann.” Mom would snatch the retrieved item from my hand and sigh at my foolishness.
Of course, there never was a hideous, lurking monster (well, I’m pretty sure there wasn’t) and all my manifestations of fear resulted, not from any actual threat, but from my own thoughts and imaginations.
The mind is so powerful; it can trick the body into reacting as if one thing is true when, in fact, it isn’t.
One of my goals this year, determined prior to January 1st, is to learn to live free from anxiety and to rely on faith in Christ to address all my stress and fears. God apparently took my goal seriously and whisked the rug out from under me as soon as the New Year dawned. (Ignoring my desire to engage in this transformation slowly and ease gently into change.)
This past Friday, I got a lesson in what happens when I react to fear and imaginations rather than to the truth and to the presence of Christ. I received a call on Friday around noon that my father was experiencing heart problems in Washington DC and, against medical advice, had boarded a plan for Rhode Island. Rescue personnel were waiting for him in the airport where he would be taken immediately to the emergency room.
As I raced to the airport, all that could happen flew through my mind. He could die on the plane. He could die at the airport. He could die on the ride to the ER. He could die in the ER. If I could have gotten into the air, I would have. Instead, I drove to the airport to await his flight.
He appeared under duress but strong enough to make the ride so I followed in my car. At the ER, we received the news that he wasn’t experiencing congestive heart failure as he had in the past – I was flooded with relief – until the in the next breath, the doctor told us he probably had a blood clot that could kill him any moment – fear and stress flooded in again.
Three hours later – no blood clot – relief. But, he would be admitted as he probably has a blockage in an artery.
As I lay in bed that night, exhausted, I realized that my fatigue was a result of a day spent anticipating what COULD be wrong. Only a fraction of my day had been spent dealing with what was true. My dad survived the flight. My dad was safely in RI, safely under medical care, safely resting in a fully staffed, well-equipped hospital!
The truth remains, that he could die any minute. The truth is, I could, too. But if I live in that truth, I’ll be a mess all the time. God helped me to see that I live many of my days allowing my emotions to be guided by what “might” happen instead of what is true at any given moment. My fears control my thoughts and my thoughts affect my body.
Paul says we should live this way: “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:3-5
Take captive every thought. My new strategy is this: to memorize more scripture so it becomes more a part of my thought pattern and to stop in any given situation and evaluate – what is actually true at this moment. I can’t control the future – not even the next moment. All I can control is my reaction to the moment I am in now and I can only do that with the power of Christ and the weapons at my disposal through the power of the Holy Spirit.
I’ve walked with Jesus long enough to know that with Him by my side, I can stop halfway up the stairs, turn and face the monster and speak the truth of Christ to it – monsters cannot tolerate an assault of the truth – even monsters that are really there!
How about you? What’s lurking behind you on the stairs and are you ready to pick up the weapons at your disposal to demolish it?
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