Kissing the Kylothian Monster

Sometimes I delude myself.

For instance, when my children were small, I decided to get in shape.

One Sunday afternoon I dropped by the gym, hopped onto an exercise bike and started pedaling.

Soon, I noticed I had the attention of several men in the room. They were definitely glancing in my direction – some more obviously than others but they were looking at me!

Well, I thought, I guess I’ve been a little hard on myself. I must look better than I think!

Trying to avoid direct eye contact (Married, after all!) I sat up straighter and pedaled harder – believing I commanded the attention of the room.

Shortly, I noticed even more men looking at me. I was glowing by now. My face was red from the exertion but my self-confidence skyrocketed. I might do this EVERY Sunday from now on!

All at once, the men cheered.

Wait a minute. What’s going on here?

I boldly dared to look directly at the men.

Their gazes were, perhaps, not straight at me but

 . . . . just over my head.

Glancing up, the truth finally dawned that I was biking under the only TV playing that afternoon’s football game.

Oh, that makes more sense.

Delusions abound as anyone who watches auditions for talent competitions can attest.

I’m amazed at the number of people who seriously believe they have a chance at a million dollars by playing their armpit, dressing their toes as puppets, or singing folk ballads off-key.

Absolutely delusional. I am so not alone.

Caedmon’s Call opens their song “Shifting Sand” with this line “Sometimes I believe all the lies so I can do the things I should despise.”

That tells the sad truth about us humans. Too often, we prefer our delusions.

God calls us on it in Psalm 4:2 “How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame? How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?”

It’s easy to see why delusions attract us.

I enjoyed the delusion that my looks were worthy of a roomful of attention because it meant that maybe I wouldn’t have to work so hard at exercising.

Contestants on reality shows like to believe the judges are biased, the game is fixed, or they’re ahead of their time because it means they don’t have to change their dreams, adjust their plans, get real jobs.

Yeah, delusions are beautiful things.

Except it’s the beauty of a poisonous flower.

Remember that sexy lingerie model played in Men in Black II who turned out to be an evil Kylothian monster? That’s exactly what a delusion is.

It comes on with that come hither look and legs that go all the way to the floor.

It convinces you it only has eyes for you.

Then, just when it’s got you in a lip-lock the smell of burning flesh fills the room and you realize those sexy arms are tentacles and you’re in the death grip of some swamp thing that plans to pop you in the toaster oven, eat you and wash you down with a nice Chianti!

The Men in Black have powerful weapons for dealing with evil, Kylothian monsters. They’ve been trained not to be duped, even by aliens dressed in Victoria’s Secrets.

We have weapons against delusions, too.

God’s word is a deception blaster. Prayer sucks the life out of lies. Transparent relationships with mature believers provide a ready defense against stockpiling delusions banks.

And we can train ourselves, by obedience to God’s word and submission to His Spirit, to recognize delusions even when they’re dressed in silk stockings and spike heels.

Okay, especially when they’re dressed in silk stockings and spike heels.

So I’ll keep exercising (in front of the mirror now rather than under the TV). Simon Cowell will keep disillusioning the untalented with his scathing critiques. And it’s all good.

That’s right, it’s a good thing to fall out of love with our delusions.

The truth. That’s what’s beautiful, baby. The truth and nothing but.

Because, if there’s one thing worse than kissing a Kylothian monster,

it’s waking up trapped inside one.