I messed up, so this is my apology post.

I messed up, so this is my apology post.

Friday, I let you in on my internal conversation as I worked through my reaction to another Christian blogger’s choice to swear. I was upset that commenters on her page were bullying other commenters who asked about the Biblical commands to refrain from foul language. In defending their freedom from “legalism,” these commenters made unkind and unloving statements.

In my desire not to be equally unloving, I expressed approval for this writer’s choice to swear. One or two loyal readers called me out on condoning sin and they were right. I apologize for that. It was just poor writing on my part. It wasn’t my intention to convey that I approve of her choice to use foul language but that is what I did so I apologize.

I believe this writer’s motivation is love for the people she’s trying to reach. She chooses to use the language in writing that pops up in her daily speech to avoid hypocrisy. I appreciate her attempt at transparency while still believing she’s made the wrong choice. I admit to occasionally swearing in my speech but because I believe it’s always wrong, I won’t reflect that speech in writing because in writing, there’s always time to think and make the better choice. That’s where she and I differ.

If you’re a regular reader, I hope it’s clear I believe in obedience to God’s Word. While I confess to a desire to be “cool,” since my childhood I’ve chosen obedience to Christ over “coolness.” Still there’s nothing perfect about my walk with Christ. Christian writers wrestle with how to reflect truth and transparency in our work without elevating sin or tripping others up. Envying the popularity of these writers who swear is a sin. As I grow in Christ, I am increasingly able to keep my eyes on His plan for me without comparing myself to others but sometimes, I lapse. Jesus is there with grace for me when I fall and I try to extend the same to others.

Beyond swearing, I was trying to write about Christian bullying. We’re more likely to fall into bullying if we lose sight of our own sinfulness. Swearing is low-hanging fruit. It’s very easy to call someone out for it and we usually should. But, it’s always better to do any correction without the self-righteous indignation that often accompanies the call out. (I believe there are times to look beyond the swearing, especially of new or immature believers, and try to hear what they’re saying rather than focus on pointing out their sin.)

We’re not as quick to call out brothers and sisters who speak equally sinful unkind, prideful, gossipy, complaining, critical, argumentative, selfish, or arrogant words. The correction on these verbal sins isn’t as quick and or as harsh. That’s wrong and unloving and I do believe it’s that double standard that contributes to the backlash of Christian writers who swear.

I enjoy watching Downton Abbey and I get a kick out of Dame Violet Crawley but she’s not a role model for Christian women. Yes, we should be honest, direct, and unafraid of what other people think but we’re also called to speak words that are kind, loving, generous, and full of grace. That’s not how I would characterize Violet’s speech.

Still, Christian women aren’t protesting Downton Abbey even though it celebrates a character whose sins of the tongue are numerous.* It’s messed up for us to condemn someone who swears while laughing and winking at someone who regularly unleashes unkind, critical, self-serving tongue-lashings. If we avoid watching movies that feature cursing for fear of being influenced, why aren’t we concerned about being influenced by Dame Crawley? I don’t believe the answer is to condemn Downton Abbey (which I watch) OR people who watch movies with occasional language. I believe the answer is to spend more time in God’s Word, prayer, worship, and fellowship with Christ so that we can be in this world but be more influenced by Him then by whatever else we encounter.

*I believe the writer of Downton Abbey makes it clear that Violet’s harsh words are most detrimental, in the long run, to Violet.

Yes, we live in a world where there’s been too much compromise on the topic of sin. Yes, we need to be obedient to Christ and be willing to risk disapproval and “uncoolness” to call sin exactly what it is. But the Bible tells us “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.” Galatians 6:1.

For me, that means we correct with a spirit of humility, remembering the number of times we’ve needed correction. It means we don’t throw scripture verses at one another like darts or whack one another with them like billy clubs. It means our goal is not condemnation but restoration. It means we respect one another, speak the truth boldly and gently, and trust the Holy Spirit to work.

Overall, I think we’re all too in love with the rapid-fire response to anything. I’m not afraid to confront sin but I try not to be quick to open my mouth. I feel it’s important to take time to a) check myself, b) ask for God’s heart for the person in question, and c) to consider how this person is most likely to hear correction. In my understanding of God’s Word, that’s the direction of spiritual maturity.

God needs neither my defense nor my protection, He needs my obedience and that means being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry whether I’m listening to someone swear or listening to someone be judgmental.

I’m sorry I went so far as to say I applaud those writers for their choice to swear in their writing. That was wrong. I appreciate the readers who responded with concern, your correction makes me a better writer. To the readers who pointed out that Jesus was able to reach people without swearing, I also believe He didn’t walk around calling out every person He encountered on every sinful word they uttered in His presence and that’s what this is really about.

In these days of the Internet, it’s far too easy to assemble a condemning mob. We should stand up boldly for truth but let’s do that with the wisdom of Christ and obedience to His entire Word.

I messed up, so this is my apology post https://t.co/bSudiJOauh #forgiveme #amwriting #Christian

— Lori Roeleveld (@lorisroeleveld) February 8, 2016