Dear Brothers, Don’t Bother Talking to the Women in Your Church . . .

My dear brothers,

Don’t bother talking to the women in your church, not about this subject, anyway.

Most of us have been that woman and we want to tell you something. Not because we’re without sin. Not because we don’t honor you. Not because we’re angry (we’re not) or looking to place blame (we’re not).

But, just because it’s a bit of truth, and in many ways, an easy ask.

Since childhood, there’s always been some man in our lives dodging God (at one time or another). They each have done it differently. Some run, some avoid. Others sit right there and it’s harder to tell they’ve exited the building, but still not entirely indiscernible for those paying attention.

We speak up (of course). We’ve done since childhood. And we’ve found prayer warriors among the women who understand what it’s like to knee-plead for a father, grandfather, uncle, cousin, husband, boyfriend, son, grandson. They listen, they advise, and we all wait and war in our prayer closets.

We flock to studies that teach us to do battle for our men in the heavenly realm. Often, our most consistent prayer is for another godly man to come alongside him and impact his life toward Jesus.

But, what we’ve also noticed since childhood is that the brothers, the fishers of men still on the path following Jesus, they don’t talk to the men, they talk to us – to the women showing up with them to worship or to study God’s Word or to pray.

“Mavis, where’s that man of yours? Tell him I was asking for him, sister.”

“Debbie, I’ve noticed your son isn’t attending young adult group any longer. Encourage him to come. I’d like to chat with him.”

We promise you, gentleman, as well-intentioned as you may be with those comments, and as sweetly as we may have smiled at you and nodded, well, inside we were thinking, “Talk to him yourself! Pick up your phone. Stop by our house. Visit his office. Invite him to shoot hoops.”

Because we know when we mention you’ve been asking, it will blend in with all the other words we’re speaking that right now he’s choosing to ignore.

How we long to hear “Mavis, where’s that man of yours? Do I have his cell phone? I’m planning to call him this week and let him know he’s missed.” Or “Debbie, when am I likely to catch your son home? I’ve noticed his absence from young adult group. I’d like to invite him out for a burger on Thursday.”

These words, this talk, and the follow through (even if our men avoid you) inspires us to pray more, reminds us we’re not alone in this battle, elevates us to a place of hope because the church, the Body of Christ, is active and on the move, not leaning back on the elbows of their souls hoping our men choose to jump back into the boat.

You who are our brothers, wholly loved by God, redeemed by the blood of Christ, destined for glory, warriors and workers advancing the kingdom through your actions, your words, and your prayers, we’ve interceded for you, too.

These are truly trying times. Our enemy would have us war with one another, divide by gender, suspect one another, and play to our differences, yes? And it’s so clear we live in a fallen world it’s the easiest of times to talk about sin, harder to preach the hope of redemption,

Especially when saints fall from grace, leaders resign under accusation, men we once respected face indictments for sexual harassment and worse. And temptation lurks inside every laptop and smartphone as the face of sin takes on the glow of a computer screen.

There has never been a time when it’s been more important for you, the ones who’ve dropped your nets to follow Jesus into His adventure, to find your voices and speak light into this dark world.

Preaching, yes, and teaching, of course, but we’re talking about conversations that happen when you climb out of the boat and walk on the water of everyday exchanges with the men in our lives.

We mothers, sisters, cousins, wives, friends, and daughters pray for you to come fishing for our men – fish in the waters where our sons, husbands, brothers, fathers drown outside the ark

You, by virtue of your gender, could speak outright to our men – in ways they could hear – while cutting down a tree or painting a wall, at the gym or in the office, over coffee or after a viewing of the Avengers or before a round of X-box. You could speak truth to our men, our boys, our fathers and be a light on the path some of them aren’t going to find on their own.

The secret we know is how they hunger for guidance, for camaraderie, for someone to challenge them and invite them into a greater story, though on the outside, they don’t give you even a clue.

We count on you to rely, not on your own understanding, but wholly on Christ who says the harvest is plentiful and the workers are few. Be a worker. Trust God’s voice over what you see and plunge into the field – the harvest will appear as you engage in the work.

But, while you procrastinate or refuse to initiate or simply stand back and wait for these lost boys (and men) to seek you out, some of us sisters suffer – some far worse than others. There is no one else coming to their aid. It’s on us and that means, all hands on deck.

So, please, don’t withhold truth from our men and boys while they tread water in the sea of deception., Withholding truth leaves a vacuum that the deceiver is only too happy to flood with lies.

If our men (and boys) go down with the weight of those fallacies, let it not be because we stood safely on the deck of the ark and didn’t even try to toss them a line.

Yes, the sins of women damage the world, too. We need to speak truth to one another and we are, but when I look around at the pews, it’s mostly not the men who are sitting alone.

And it’s young men who rain gun-fire down on crowds. And middle-aged men who take their own lives. And seniors who sink into despair. And boys who look for someone, anyone, to model while temptation is only a click away.

Find your voice. Your words don’t have to be many or eloquent to make a difference for the men we love. They just have to make the sound of truth against the firestorm of lies sending them running from the hope of the cross. The hope you know.

It’s not easy, we know. But we Jesus-followers, we do hard things. This is one.

Dear Brothers, Don’t Bother Talking to the Women in Your Church . . . https://t.co/2tLJNlWTe4 #Jesus #menandwomenofGod

— Lori Roeleveld (@lorisroeleveld) May 4, 2018