Ashamed of the Gospel

You know what bothers me?

I mean, a lot of things, I know. I’m like a living spiritual version of the Princess and the Pea fairy tale. There are just not enough mattresses in the world to cushion all the irritants to my soul. But, right now I mean, do you know what bothers me when I read John 13 and consider Jesus’s last supper with the twelve?

When Jesus told them that one of them would betray Him, they didn’t all immediately look at Judas. They didn’t avert their gaze and side-eye him, either. It was like they were truly confused about which one of them it might be.

Here’s what it says in the NASB: “When Jesus had said these things, He became troubled in spirit, and testified and said, “Truly, truly I say to you that one of you will betray Me.” The disciples began looking at one another, at a loss to know of which one He was speaking. Lying back on Jesus’ chest was one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved. So Simon Peter nodded to this disciple and said to him, “Tell us who it is of whom He is speaking.” He then simply leaned back on Jesus’ chest and said to Him, “Lord, who is it?” John 13:21-25.

The exchange between Peter and John is telling because they were two of the three in Jesus’s inner inner circle. Like if Jesus had Facebook, their posts would rise to the top in His newsfeed because the algorithms would totally notice the connection. But even they didn’t know. So, clearly, in the aftermath of the Transfiguration, they didn’t sit around the olive grove talking about why the other nine hadn’t been included. That’s not how Jesus rolls.

We can’t tell from the outside which Jesus followers have hearts that are fertile soil, the kind that bears fruit or which ones have the kind of dirt that only allows for rapid growth, shallow roots, and faith that fails when trouble and persecution come. We don’t know.  Although, on this side of the cross, we are better equipped with the Holy Spirit within us, still, we find ourselves surprised.

I’ll confess that I’m weary of losing Christian friends to deconstruction or denunciation or exvangelicalism or whatever term we’re using this week for those who walk away from the faith. Some make a clean break with both the church and Jesus. Others initially hang all the blame on the church, organized religion, evangelicals, or labels of any kind and insist they’re still cool with Jesus. They’re just seeking a purer form of relationship over religion which sounds pretty beautiful, especially to a girl who came up in the ’60’s and 70’s. I mean, sign me up for stripping the faith down to its essentials and worshipping only Jesus. Radical to the max.

Except it doesn’t take long for most of them to morph their story into “spiritual but not religious.” And then to espouse that there are more ways to faith than Jesus and then, well, we’re just a bridge too far apart.

It’s important to ask questions. I adore questions. I ask hard ones all the time. There are many passages of Scripture that make me wonder all at once if I have ever really understood any passage of Scripture. I can be cruising along in my month of daily readings when suddenly I hit wind shear and a passage flings me sideways. My prayers are full of hard questions and so are my conversations with my pastor, believing friends, and the margin notes of well-researched books on Christian living.

It’s problematic for me when people take their questions to the “wisdom” of social media and try to convince me they’re serious about finding answers. It’s like hanging out in a scrapyard telling me your searching for a new car.

I don’t like the way many public Christians behave (or the way many Christians behave in public–works either way). As I scroll through social media or my news apps, the thought bubbles appearing above my head read “Too strident.” “Too judgy.” “Loosey-goosey theology.” “Have you ever even opened a Bible?” “Eye-roll.” “Doesn’t sound like the Jesus I know.” Then, all those bubbles pop when I see them in the mirror of God’s Word and wonder how I’m supposed to navigate this life without becoming exactly like the people I judge? He always whispers the same answer – Jesus, only Jesus.

And that’s where this Judas thought process lands me every time. Staring into the mirror asking, “Lord, who is it?”  You see, I’m not trying to discover a betrayer-detector. I’m trying to figure out how I keep the soil of my own heart cultivated so I avoid a spiritual landslide and find myself selling Jesus out for some coin of the realm.

This led me to consider the role of shame in our spiritual journey.  

The moment sin entered the world, it’s cousin shame dropped his dirty duffle on our doorstep as well. Shame is a sneaky thug and for some us, he has a continuing cameo in our lives like Inspector Clouseau’s Cato leaping out of closets and dark alleys when least expected. Except Cato’s role was to keep Clouseau sharp. Shame’s sole purpose is to discourage, demoralize, sideline, and silence.

There are times I’m uncomfortable and embarrassed about periods of church history, patterns of sinful behavior tolerated in some segments of the faith, or even individual followers who have acted unconscionably and famously. This shame doesn’t lead me to want to part with Jesus because a) I don’t own it, b) the visible church isn’t the same as the true church, and c) the Bible warned there would be wolves among the sheep and those who would fall into sin.

Instead, this shame inspires me to live close to Him and to be sure I’m following teachers who teach the biblical truth.  It’s part of what inspired me to write The Art of Hard Conversations to help people speak with one another about uncomfortable topics that can lead to these atrocities. It gives me courage and impetus to speak up even when I don’t want to. This is a shame I can navigate.

The shame I ask God to watch and keep in check is the shame that arises when people I respect or who are in power speak scornfully about Christians and mock our faith in Jesus, the power of the gospel, and the hope of His return. Any hint of that shame and I am hitting my knees asking God for what Paul had when he wrote, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.” Romans 1:15 NASB

Timothy knew the struggle but I am bolstered by his words as well, “For this reason I also suffer these things; but I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that He is able to protect what I have entrusted to Him until that day. Hold on to the example of sound words which you have heard from me, in the faith and love which are in Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 1:12-13 NASB

When questions arise, I don’t brush them off, I ask them and seek the answers.

When fears appear, I speak honestly of them to Jesus and apply God’s Word to quell or contain them.

When I’m tempted to doubt, I look doubt square in the face and read the works of others who faced similar doubts but who found Jesus even in the doubting.

When shame appears, I confess anew my desire to please men, my trepidations at other’s opinions of me, and my inclination to compromise to keep the peace or to make myself appear reasonable, acceptable, and unthreatening. I don’t know what Judas faced but he allowed Satan a foothold and so when I see a crack in my spiritual armor, I bring it immediately in for repair.

This is a big topic and I see I’ve gone on too long. Kudos for reading this far! Tell me your thoughts on the insidious work of shame in sidelining and silencing our testimony in these times. How do you battle it in your life?

I respond to every comment and reply to every email. We can be followers and not betrayers. There are some who walk away but I pray for a better story for all of you and for myself.

Let us trust in the words of Jesus who said, “My sheep listen to My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give them eternal life, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand.” John 10:27-29 NASB May we all be the sheep of His pasture.

Ashamed of the gospel and where that leads . . . https://t.co/7xtyCNzQhK #Jesus #gospel

— Lori Roeleveld (@lorisroeleveld) November 14, 2023