One Woman, One Man, One Huge Lie

people-314481_640He sat across from me dejected. “What am I going to do? I’ll never understand women.”

“And, why is THAT bothering you?” I asked.

“How will I ever not screw up with my wife if I don’t understand women?”

“I see the problem, now. You think that when you married one woman, you committed to loving and understanding ALL women?”

He looked at me like I had three heads so I explained. “The problem isn’t that you don’t understand women. God never asked you to understand all women. My goodness, He certainly knows you’re incapable of that kind of Herculean wisdom and compassion.”


“Seriously, you’re employing a tactic (one you inherited from a woman) whereby you exaggerate a task in order to avoid doing it.”

“What tactic? What woman?”

“You’re a descendant of Eve. When the serpent approached her in the garden and asked her what God had commanded about the tree of life, she expanded the command. She made it bigger so it seemed as if God was asking something much bigger than He actually was.”

“How am I doing that?”

“God doesn’t expect you to love and understand all women. You stood before God and promised to love only ONE woman. That is your entire task. Love THAT woman. Understand THAT woman.”


I could see the truth blowing away the smoke of deception.

God knows He created women mysterious, complex, and ever-changing.

He also knows he created men to love a challenge.

It’s the perfect set up for a life of marital adventure if we just stick to the task.

Know one woman. Love one woman. Pay attention to one woman. Spend your energy on one woman. Thinking you need to understand all women drains your energy for the very doable, enjoyable mission at hand.”

We’ve believed a lie.

The lie is that it’s our task to understand the opposite sex. Seriously, as if God didn’t know our limitations and would think that was a perfectly human-sized mission to accomplish.

Instead, He it broke it down for us into a doable chunk. Love the one. Know and understand the one.

Even that isn’t for everyone. Marriage is such a tough gig Paul warned amateurs at love not to try it at home. If you can be single, dude, go for it. Focus all your energy on learning to love God. That’s plenty for this life.

But, if you must. Take on the challenge of loving one woman. One man. It’s such an impossible mission, best only approached with God’s blessing and full empowerment, that God made it a lifetime assignment. The first decade alone is not for sisss.

It takes a real man to go the distance.

It takes a real woman to love for a lifetime.

It takes focus, stamina, grit-your-teeth-hit-your-knees-every-morning spiritual muscle to truly love and understand one woman. One man. It’s not a mission for lightweight lovers.

But for those who go the distance, there is a prize.
Do you know someone else who’s been knocked to the side of the narrow road and needs encouragement (or goading) to get back into the adventure? Be sure to send them in my direction and share with them the blog or my new book Running from a Crazy Man (and other adventures traveling with Jesus). There’s courage in traveling together.

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1 Comment

    The Conversation

  1. Carla Allaire says:

    I Peter 3:7 says: ‘Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel,l and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.’ If understanding a woman wasn’t possible, I don’t think Abba would have commanded husbands to take on Mission Impossible. It took my husband and I 30 YEARS to get it together! We loved each other like crazy, but we were both driving ourselves crazy! When I fully committed to God and started looking at our life through my husband’s eyes, I changed MY behavior. And as I humbled myself to my God, He brought unity and oneness to our marriage that is awe-striking. MEN–you CAN do this! Does my husband understand ALL I do after 42 years of marriage? No. But together, we are learning about each other, and should have perfection in another 42 years 😉