Helping Jesus Define His Brand (or a marketing meeting with the Almighty)

So, if Jesus came today
(which wouldn’t be at all like today
because His coming when He did affected EVERYTHING
that followed –
yeah, He was THAT powerful)
but, if He came today
(which if you think about it,
would have made more sense since we have mass media, global networks, the worldwide web, and satellite
so building a kingdom is
theoretically MUCH easier now and, you know,
faster, reaching even people in remote places
so it leaves you to wonder why God chose to make His entrance
in the Hicksville of the Mid-East
where the most common language was Latin
and that was going to be dead soon
I mean, really, how serious was He about spreading this word?
at least, that’s what a marketer would ask, right?)
But, I digress
Okay, but if He came today,
I’m wondering how we would respond
when He told us He wanted us to spread the word about Him.
Would we call Jesus into a boardroom meeting with
men in suits or
long-haired marketing dudes wearing  jeans and tossing nerfballs into wastebaskets
and ask Him to define His brand?
Pitch your message to us, Lord.
But remember we have short attention spans.
We see you’ve written a book but
can you explain the meat of it in one sentence?
Have you studied our list of trending searches so you can tailor your message to the felt needs of the world population?
Did you get our memo on sexy words to include in your tagline sure to hook the reading eye?
And, what are your plans for a follow-up act?
It will be best if you have a sequel planned now – you know, for brand longevity.
Look at these images
and fast
tell us which one best describes you.
Now, three words,
don’t think,
what are the first three words that come to mind when You think about Yourself?
Finally, we need to see numbers and stats,
wow us with your twitter feed, Facebook followers, and blog hits.
What? You don’t have a blog?
This will seriously reduce your rating on Klout – you need exposure, Jesus, and we
simply can’t take you on until you’ve shown us you can bring
a ready-made audience.
But hey, we love your content, Dude.
Really, we are very impressed with this whole Sermon on the Mount thing –
that will draw the college age kids – excellent demographic –
and the parables are a thing of beauty – widespread appeal and easy to film – we’re thinking of some shorts for Youtube.
We’re going to assign you an editor, though, just to soften some of the rough sections of your message
places where maybe you want to tone things down – you can always come out harder in your second book – once you have an established following
but for now, we want to soften some of the rhetoric – I mean, it’s colorful, the whole brood of vipers thing but
remember, Jesus,
Pharisees buy books, too.
Right, Jesus?
Are you with us, Dude?
Hey, where did Jesus go?
Did anyone notice when He left the room?
Too bad, the Dude had potential.

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4 Comments

    The Conversation

  1. Pam Manners says:

    Wow, Lori….this is classic. You hit the nail squarely on the head here. And that’s probably why God DID NOT choose this era. Life is far more complicated, to me anyway, filled with critirea and distractions. Jesus’s simple message of love, life, forgiveness and grace would get lost in the high tech, marketing strategy shuffle of our times.

  2. Great perspective, Lori. Amazing