Don’t Fire Until You See the Whites of Their Eyes! (A Battle Bigger than Bunker Hill)
I’ve been annoying people lately.
I know, I know, I frequently annoy people but lately I’ve been doing it on purpose. I have a reason.
I miss eye contact.
In these days where most purchases happen as the customer stares at a little box on her side of the counter and the clerk stares at a computerized scanner and screen on his side of the counter, entire transactions can occur without a single acknowledgement that human beings are involved.
I’m not a fan.
The depersonalizing of simple transactions is one of those erosions of community that leaves us wide open to losing our humanity entirely.
In the name of progress, I can now perform multiple daily tasks that used to require human interaction without ever coming into direct contact with a person. ATM machines. Red box. Self-pay at the pump. Automatic scanners at the grocers. E-portal to make an appointment with my physician. Drive thru at the pharmacy.
I get it. I like convenience. I like saving time. But are we using our saved time for worthwhile pursuits? Are we enjoying deeper relationships with family and friends because we have depersonalized people we used to consider acquaintances?
These are questions I ask myself.
And my small, daily rebellion against the system is to annoy sales clerks until we have established a moment of eye contact.
Sometimes I ask a question, usually a lame one. Other times, I compliment something they’re wearing. Sometimes I just stand silently and refuse to leave the counter until the person finally looks at me. Then I just smile, say “Thank you.” and move on, having reminded another human that we are both human.
Last week, when someone in the checkout line repeatedly prodded me with her carriage when it was obvious I was still processing my order, I turned to her, made eye contact, smiled, and said, “Hi. I’m a human being. I take up space. When I’m no longer taking up this space, you may then push your carriage into it.”
We didn’t become friends or anything but she stopped hitting me with the cart and I remembered that I’m a person and so is she.
I was going to search for a Bible verse that illustrates this point I want to make (not a great practice- that’s sort of using the Bible backwards) when I actually realized that I only care about this whole process of dehumanization because of my observations of Jesus.
God reached out to humans by becoming human. He made eye contact with us through Jesus.
God ate our food, rubbed elbows with the crowd, smelled the aroma of fresh-baked bread and the salty, stench of fisherman returning from their labors. He sweat in the heat and quenched His thirst with water or wine. He laughed at our children’s antics and had conversations with people others went out of their way to avoid.
He noticed when a woman touched the hem of his cloak in a crowd and when He acknowledged her, she was no longer a sick outcast, she was a person.
In my work with troubled families, you’d be shocked at the number of times someone has thanked me for “treating them like a person.” Many of the people I see are in danger of losing sight of their humanity because of mental illness, poverty, substance abuse, or domestic violence. The stories that surprise me most are when they describe how much hurt they receive when receptionists or front-line office staff treat them with disrespect. For people on the edge of their own personhood, these exchanges can be the tipping point in either direction.
The everyday face-to-face eye-contact moments that we took for granted for years actually matter. We belong in community. We thrive in community. We need one another – both in deep conversations and in small glances.
Join my rebellion, won’t you? Insist on making eye contact with the world.
Refuse to budge until you see the whites of their eyes! Be human. Insist on being human and on acknowledging others as human. Make eye contact with the world.
God did.
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The Conversation
I find it sad that I actually notice when someone does make eye contact with me – and it feels weird! Not the way it should be, I’m thinking.
I completely agree!
I’ve posted this link on my FB page. We need each other more than we realize! When people become unimportant or dehumanized, we will have to face a whole other range of problems that we don’t want. People matter!
Thanks, Carmen! I agree.
Thanks for reminding me, and pointing out the obvious. It really is too easy to go through the day without touching the people around us. I love the phrase, by the way: “He (God) made eye contact with us through Jesus.” I never thought of it quite that way before.
Thanks for reminding me, and pointing out the obvious. It really is too easy to go through the day without touching the people around us. I love the phrase, by the way: “He (God) made eye contact with us through Jesus.” I never thought of it quite that way before.
Welcome, K!
I have to work with this on a daily basis in a culture with a built in, screwed-up, cast system. I will stop people. Look at them in the eye, and not give up until they respond. It is a beautiful thing for the both of us when they finally “get it.”
In the States, I really noticed this whole thing on a Gideon Bible Distribution at URI a few years ago. When I went there, between classes, everyone stopped and spoke person to person. Now there is nothing but a bunch of zombies text messaging, and bumping their way from class to class.
I had to deal with this whole thing when I met my wife.
God always meets everyone on a personal basis and in a way that they can relate to. Eye contact is at the heart of when God uses us to connect with someone. You are so right Sis. The Church cannot lose this sometimes uncomfortable, but very precious act.
There is nothing better than attentive eye contact to give respect and acknowledgement to another person once they understand what is happening. And sometimes this takes loving, gracious, help.
Wow, bro! You should be posting a blog. That was beautiful. Miss you, man. Can’t wait ’til you guys are back for a visit!
Hi Sis. No Blog for me, Thank You. You are the master, and when I can, I thank you that you allow me to play off of you!!!
Hey Lori, I just found this article and thought of this post! http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/opinion/sunday/the-flight-from-conversation.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2